Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
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do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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