I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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