dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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