Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
