So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
