After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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