i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
