DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
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I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
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Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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