You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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