The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
