dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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