What a fucking waste of an outfit
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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