I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
