I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
