I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
