yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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