Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
