I hate your face
zippers are such a cool invention
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
