Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
