Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
