Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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