her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
