It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
