Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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