My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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