Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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