Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
