I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
