I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
