I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
