so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize