you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
