I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
