apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
