she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
