i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
