Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
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