How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
