the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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