I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
