you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
