Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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