It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
