i just had sex bonerless
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
