I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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