im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
