god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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