GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
