How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
