I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
