Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
