i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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