Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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