Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
