Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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