u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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