There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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