you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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