Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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