Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
