drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
