I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
