Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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