He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
