They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
