There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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