he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My legs feel like baby dolphins
lol hangovers are for mortals.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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