And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
