I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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