We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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