so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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