I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
