My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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