I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
