no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
