i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
