Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
