I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I lost the right to judge tonight
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
