So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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