saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
