Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
