So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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